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Fun Opinion

NYPost Summons Donald Trump to Fix Bitcoin

Donald Trump

John Crudele knows there’s only one man who can fix bitcoin’s price manipulation, and so he’s gone straight to the top.

Bitcoin’s price is shockingly manipulated, concludes John Crudele – a writer for the NYPost and, if his words are to be believed, the BFF of President Donald Trump. In an article for the Post, Crudele maintains that bitcoin’s shady price action must be investigated to the fullest extent of the law, and ideally further. He really does not like bitcoin. And the timing of his article makes perfect sense. When your long-term bitcoin price prediction is zero, it’s really annoying when BTC spikes to almost $9k. It makes you look out of touch. And wrong. And silly.

As I’ve said before, bitcoin is nothing more than a confidence game. It’s worth nothing if people suddenly lose their confidence in this fake digital currency. It’s backed by nothing. It’s the definition of a con.

That’s why people who are propping up bitcoin lose their minds whenever someone like me writes anything negative about it.

All the agencies, please!

So Crudele has begged The Don to step in, and galvanise the ‘Securities & Exchange Commission, the Justice Department, the IRS, Homeland Security and any other agency’ to do their thing.

The article doesn’t say it in as many words, but between the lines we can expect that Donald Trump himself will soon be abseiling from the roof of Bitfinex Towers, crashing through the window and pointing an assault rifle at JL van der Velde and Giancarlo Devasini until they give him a pinky promise that they will put all the Tethers back in their box and not let them out until they promise to behave better.

Crudele does not mention the fact that there is lots of regulation around bitcoin, including the BitLicense, or that the US government has legitimised bitcoin through the sale of the Silk Road coins, or that two 2020 presidential candidates are openly accepting crypto donations, or all the other factors that indicate there is no way this thing is going away. Ever.

But why let that get in the way of a good column? Or even a bad one?


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