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Fun Spotlight

What drink is your crypto?


Continuing our series, we look to explain the differences between different cryptos using the analogy of beverages.

Bitcoin. A rich, smooth, satisfying pint, quite possibly a well-balanced session beer. Always a solid default option on a night out.

Ethereum. A nice cup of green tea. Assuming that’s what you want. As a Turing-complete beverage, it might also be water if that’s what you’re after. Or orange juice. Or coffee. Sometimes, though, it’s a pint of cat food.

Ripple. Sold as an upmarket berry-flavoured cider, this turns out to be alcopop. At least, it might be. You’re not sure it has any alcohol in it at all. Perhaps it once did, but the company diluted it using some of its vast reserves of fake cider?

EOS. A group of 21 bartenders is convened to make the collective decision whether to serve you a pint of beer. One fails to turn up because he oversleeps, and is threatened with legal action by the beer-drinking community.

Bitcoin Cash. You knock back a shot of vodka, realising a little too late it was actually methylated spirits. The bartender explains that it’s a more efficient form of vodka, and that everything vodka can do, meths can do better. You tune out his wittering and concentrate on calling an ambulance before you throw up.

Bitcoin Cash SV. You knock back a shot of vodka, realising just too late that it’s not vodka at all. Worse than that, it’s the not-vodka you’ve drunk once before…

Litecoin. A pint of lager. It’s, well, lite. Insubstantial. You suspect it might even be alcohol free. But a few of them seem to have the same effect as a pint of Guinness, so you let it pass.

Dogecoin. The barman pours you a pint of beer. When you take the glass, it’s curiously hot. It turns out to be English breakfast tea. The barman drops in two olives, and a little umbrella.

Tether. Wholesome, fresh pasteurised milk. That’s what it says on the carton. What’s inside usually does the job, though sometimes it stinks. People seem to drink it anyway.

BAT. You’re served without the bartender asking you for id. You drink your pint, really fast. One or two ingredients seem to be missing, but you get paid for drinking it. It kind of seems too good to be true, so you’ll keep going back until you’ve figured it out.


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